rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
