he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
