smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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