Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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