I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
