i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
