Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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