im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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