Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
