When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
