I'm so fucking centered right now
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
