She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize