I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
