forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
