haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
