I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
