Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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