lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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