Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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