we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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