I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
