I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
