This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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