i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
