She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize