come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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