Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
