Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
