So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
