i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
