how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
