Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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