I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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