Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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