Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Watching her eat just hurts me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
