im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
