What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
