He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
