Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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