I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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