Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
