I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
