I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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