Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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