i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
