"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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