dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
