I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
