the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
