Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
