I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
