Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
