I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize