she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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