Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
