I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
