Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
