she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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