Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
