do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
