Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
