That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
