You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize