I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
