youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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